he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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