you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
