College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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