my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
