he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
