i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
is it fun? or sober?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
