I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
