So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
