I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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