Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize