Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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