Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
