ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
