OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
