Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
