im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
