Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
