Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
