Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
