im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
