from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
