bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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