If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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