I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
