I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize