don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
