Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
