If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize