its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize