There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
