Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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