I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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