tell your sister to shave her snatch
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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