When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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