Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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