I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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