sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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