You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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