also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
