Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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