Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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