I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
