you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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