I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
