I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
