I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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