whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
