Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Congratulations! We have a period
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
