Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
