So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
