he puts the penis in happiness.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
