I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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