ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
