yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
