PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
