no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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