did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
