Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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