before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
