I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
