im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize