EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
