my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
