just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
