She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dicks are not precious.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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