I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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